When the pandemic first set in, I was excited to use this as a break from our fast paced lives. But, before I knew it, I was scheduling every hour of my time away. I started part timing and started this blog. I became an avid cycler, often going hours on end. I was earning money, writing and getting fresh air. It seemed perfect to me. But it wasn’t.
I was so quick to start doing new things that I forgot to sit with myself. I’d always be stimulated one way or the other and I never had a moment of silence. I ran away from the quiet. I thought that I should make the most of the small break that the pandemic gave me. But instead, I managed to recreate the pre pandemic world of busy schedules, late nights and the feeling of being stuck in a loop.
Until I realized that it’s not always the world that’s creating the loop. It’s me. Yes, I do things to stay afloat in this capitalistic world, but the need to constantly be ‘moving forward’ and the fear that listening to myself would trigger a depressive episode, is on me.
Every time write a blog, I’m speaking to myself. So, since you’re finally listening Amulya, take it in.
The pandemic is not a pause from life, it is life. You do not need to push your limits just cause you’re staying at home. Breathe a bit more, live a little slowly. Don’t use people or activities as a distraction from the so called chaos in your head. Peer into that mind of yours and maybe put up a stop sign, a traffic light, anything. Chaos is what you make of it. You said you’ve enjoyed the chaos of a large friend group and the chaos of work. So now, try to enjoy the chaos in your mind. Or, denounce chaos as a whole and make changes in how you live. We are unfortunately the same person, so I don’t know which one would make life better, but try it out. And maybe one day, I won’t need a blog or a pen to talk to you.
I should apologize for making this incredibly self centered, but It’s called Amulya Meets World for a reason :3
Until next time!